I talked with a cousin I haven’t talked with in a long time tonight. It was really nice, and also uncomfortable and frustrating and saddening. If you read this, cousin, I love you and hope you don’t now think I’m judgmental and self-righteous. I wasn’t trying to be.
This cousin grew up only half an hour away, but I never really knew him very well. He’s about 6 years older than myself, and our families only really met up once a year. He’s not active in the LDS church currently, and hasn’t been for almost 3 years.
It’s so hard for me to display what I think without sounding self-righteous. This is so frustrating! I don’t know how to say “this is what I think” without them interpreting it as “this is what you should think, you big moron.” That’s not what I mean at all.
It’s hard too, because my ideal for human behavior I am not at all good at showing. I’m weak-willed. So my opinion sounds worth about a pinch of salt, thinking of it that way. I can’t blame him for thinking this-I experience a similar opinion sometimes, when someone is being what I feel is forceful with their LDS views but then they don’t practice it at all. Lame. I hate that. Both hypocrisy and that by not living what I say I believe perfectly, I seem to exemplify it.
He was a good sport-I asked him a lot of questions. I could see how that could be hard for someone-maybe they’d feel like they were being attacked. That’s not what I was trying to do-destroy their basis of belief or something. He just believes something I don’t understand at all-doesn’t it make sense to ask questions when your understanding is at a big 0?
I just feel so sad now. So sorry for him. The way I understand it, he’s never felt comfortable with faith, so doesn’t really believe in any religion. He likes things that are quantifiable. But he feels his life is without purpose currently: he doesn’t feel peace with his lack of belief, either. How empty and lonely that must feel.
You know, almost two years ago I said something similar to what I’m about to say and I lost a friend for it, but really…that’s fine. That’s life. In this case, when I’m going to post access to an experience with someone who had lost their faith and how it made me more sure of my own faith…I think its ok. I don’t think my cousin will mind. I don’t think he’s hiding anything I’ve said here. And, as I said, hopefully he knows I love him. I’m not looking down on his ‘lostness’ with scorn and contempt, proudly dusting off my high throne of beliefs.
I’m glad to find, in the midst of the sorrow at his lacking in life, that my own faith is still sound. It is not shaken. It’s always comforting to feel strongly about something that others sometimes have contempt for, and when it’s tested it not fold under the pressure.
Because even with this, even with what he said I still can say I know God lives. I have no quantifiable evidence for this. Just my heart, and the Spirit. I know the Holy Ghost exists, and it’s not something I made up. I wish there was a way I could explain this that could satisfy the need for evidence that so many people have, but I have none. This can quite easily make people discredit my opinion, but…for those who might possibly read this who are not of my faith, who do not respect LDS people or anyone who believes in God…sorry.
I know Jesus Christ died for us. I know horrible, horrible things happen on this earth that seem far too evil to co-exist with a loving God, but even with these I know He lives. I know He loves all of His children. I know we will be held accountable for all that we do in this life, and that those who commit those horrible, heinous crimes will have to answer to God for them. I know we are challenged, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. And I don’t know but I feel that we are mainly not here for ourselves-we’re here to do things for others, and in the process our own needs will be satisfied. But I do not believe the fact that in the process our own needs are satisfied, is why we do things for others. Or at least, it shouldn’t be why. We’re capable of doing good just because it’s good, not because it also makes us feel good.
Just as I will try hard to respect others opinions, I hope mine can be. It shouldn’t even matter! Unfortunately, I really don’t like it when my opinion is not respected. Stupid pride.
This cousin grew up only half an hour away, but I never really knew him very well. He’s about 6 years older than myself, and our families only really met up once a year. He’s not active in the LDS church currently, and hasn’t been for almost 3 years.
It’s so hard for me to display what I think without sounding self-righteous. This is so frustrating! I don’t know how to say “this is what I think” without them interpreting it as “this is what you should think, you big moron.” That’s not what I mean at all.
It’s hard too, because my ideal for human behavior I am not at all good at showing. I’m weak-willed. So my opinion sounds worth about a pinch of salt, thinking of it that way. I can’t blame him for thinking this-I experience a similar opinion sometimes, when someone is being what I feel is forceful with their LDS views but then they don’t practice it at all. Lame. I hate that. Both hypocrisy and that by not living what I say I believe perfectly, I seem to exemplify it.
He was a good sport-I asked him a lot of questions. I could see how that could be hard for someone-maybe they’d feel like they were being attacked. That’s not what I was trying to do-destroy their basis of belief or something. He just believes something I don’t understand at all-doesn’t it make sense to ask questions when your understanding is at a big 0?
I just feel so sad now. So sorry for him. The way I understand it, he’s never felt comfortable with faith, so doesn’t really believe in any religion. He likes things that are quantifiable. But he feels his life is without purpose currently: he doesn’t feel peace with his lack of belief, either. How empty and lonely that must feel.
You know, almost two years ago I said something similar to what I’m about to say and I lost a friend for it, but really…that’s fine. That’s life. In this case, when I’m going to post access to an experience with someone who had lost their faith and how it made me more sure of my own faith…I think its ok. I don’t think my cousin will mind. I don’t think he’s hiding anything I’ve said here. And, as I said, hopefully he knows I love him. I’m not looking down on his ‘lostness’ with scorn and contempt, proudly dusting off my high throne of beliefs.
I’m glad to find, in the midst of the sorrow at his lacking in life, that my own faith is still sound. It is not shaken. It’s always comforting to feel strongly about something that others sometimes have contempt for, and when it’s tested it not fold under the pressure.
Because even with this, even with what he said I still can say I know God lives. I have no quantifiable evidence for this. Just my heart, and the Spirit. I know the Holy Ghost exists, and it’s not something I made up. I wish there was a way I could explain this that could satisfy the need for evidence that so many people have, but I have none. This can quite easily make people discredit my opinion, but…for those who might possibly read this who are not of my faith, who do not respect LDS people or anyone who believes in God…sorry.
I know Jesus Christ died for us. I know horrible, horrible things happen on this earth that seem far too evil to co-exist with a loving God, but even with these I know He lives. I know He loves all of His children. I know we will be held accountable for all that we do in this life, and that those who commit those horrible, heinous crimes will have to answer to God for them. I know we are challenged, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. And I don’t know but I feel that we are mainly not here for ourselves-we’re here to do things for others, and in the process our own needs will be satisfied. But I do not believe the fact that in the process our own needs are satisfied, is why we do things for others. Or at least, it shouldn’t be why. We’re capable of doing good just because it’s good, not because it also makes us feel good.
Just as I will try hard to respect others opinions, I hope mine can be. It shouldn’t even matter! Unfortunately, I really don’t like it when my opinion is not respected. Stupid pride.
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